I previously discussed the problem that I have with women in my country on my vlog channel, and I feel like the following conversation which took place between myself and a MGTOW user on Reddit summarizes my experience very accurately (italicized words are mine):
*Wall of text warning*
I mentioned in another video that a couple years ago at a time when I was in the most dire need of an empathetic, listening ear, a girl from California advised me to make female friends because they are SUPPOSED to have more capacity to provide emotional support to people who are in need of it (since my only RL friends back then and now were male, and one was in a relationship which made me incredibly upset at the time because I didn’t understand it). So that’s what I tried – I tried reaching out to the one and only female in CANADA who I ever felt like I could genuinely connect with, since I had also never met anyone else around here who was remotely like her, yet she still managed to attract a lot of people in her life based on her appearance alone. That experience showed me there is something inherently “off” about the people here, because if I can’t even get emotional validation from other females when I need it, there’s no way that I am the only one with the problem.
Your expectations and perceptions of women were (are?) unrealistic just like ours used to be before ‘taking the red pill’.
You took poor advice based on the faulty premise that women are more empathetic and would provide you (their competition) with emotional support. Your mistake was expecting an act of altruism from women where there is none to be found. Anecdotally speaking, a man is far more likely to be a sympathetic ear and will even try to offer solutions to help you.
Sooner or later, men who get emotional support from a woman come to realize that there are always strings attached. She expects to get something out of it. What possible reason would another woman have to offer you emotional support? What could you possibly give her in exchange that she couldn’t get more easily from someone else, say a man, who would give her emotional support for free?
You’re right that you’re not the only one with this problem, because it’s not a matter unique to this country. It ultimately comes down to sexual dynamics which is universal as well as the difference between the way men and women are socialized.
Your problem isn’t that you can’t get emotional validation from other people. Your problem is your need for external validation in the first place. Externalizing blame for something you need to fix about yourself is counterproductive.
Well the girl in question was a pretty unusual character, firstly. I always sensed she was living in a world that she didn’t necessarily belong in – and I think it may have driven her up the wall internally, but she chose to go along with the crowd anyway because her priorities were fairly messed up. At the time when I contacted her during the summer a couple years back, I knew she had a window of opportunity to meet with me because she had gotten off from both school and work, and I knew that classes weren’t going to start again for another two weeks. I thought perhaps she could have used this window for the benefit of someone in need for a change (I recalled she had told me about a friend of hers who committed suicide in her hometown around the time when we first met, and that somehow made me believe she would take people suffering with major depression more seriously as a result) since I had previously only ever been able to meet her through random public encounters (which believe me, used to happen CONSTANTLY). Of course it turned out she wouldn’t go out of her way to meet with me intentionally, but it just happened that I ran into her again by chance at the start of the school term – and that was of course the only time I was given a chance, but I knew she would find out that it was a mistake to dismiss the only person she could GENUINELY connect with. I couldn’t understand how she could be content and surround herself with people who didn’t genuinely care for her as a person, who weren’t on anywhere near the same frequency or wavelength, because I have personally tried spending time around people that I couldn’t genuinely connect with, and it made me feel even WORSE about myself! Another thing about her is I guess she doesn’t even understand how to initiate social encounters by herself because she has never actually needed to do it – everyone else was willing to do it for her, so why should she ever have to go out of her way to contact anyone? That shows men and women around here are equally shallow when it comes to friendships, in that they will go out of their way to spend time around and accommodate women who they find very physically appealing. While it seems physically attractive women are more ostracized by women in other places because they are seen as “competition,” like you said. Even after all the social obligations and contacts that it seems she was always preoccupied with, it didn’t help her get any further in life because the last I heard from her, she was still busy trying to look for full-time work (after she had stuck to working at the same market research call center a lot longer than I thought she would), which baffled me considering there’s no reason anyone with that many contacts shouldn’t at least be able to find SOMETHING through networking. As I suspected, those so-called “friends” were probably nowhere near as close as I am with my RL friends and only used her for what they thought they could get before abandoning her. Of course it didn’t help that she was also focused on studying in a scientific field that wasn’t specialized, needlessly putting herself into debt when she would probably have an easier time getting employed by taking something like accounting or nursing. In spite of her own struggles, she encouraged me to pursue my own education without even realizing I had given up on it while I was still ahead, which I think would have been the wise thing to do in her case. I think the real tragedy here is that she failed to understand that social obligations and contacts are meaningless if you can’t earn a stable income to support yourself so that you can actually afford to enjoy life, and they’re especially meaningless if they’re not even genuine friends.
“I couldn’t understand how she could be content and surround herself with people who didn’t genuinely care for her as a person”
She will realize when her looks fade, as most women do. It’s called “hitting the wall.”
“she doesn’t even understand how to initiate social encounters by herself because she has never actually needed to do it – everyone else was willing to do it for her, so why should she ever have to go out of her way to contact anyone?”
“That shows men and women around here are equally shallow when it comes to friendships, in that they will go out of their way to spend time around and accommodate women who they find very physically appealing.”
Yes, but it’s not limited to here. It is the basis for all hetero male-female interactions which accounts for the overwhelming majority of the human species. Society attempts to obfuscate this truth as best it can because it’s in society’s best interest, not the individual’s.
“Even after all the social obligations and contacts that it seems she was always preoccupied with, it didn’t help her get any further in life because the last I heard from her, she was still busy trying to look for full-time work”
Assuming she wants full time work and isn’t having her lifestyle subsidized by men, this is one of the reasons why women turn to feminism for retribution. They go from being constantly pandered/catered to which naturally they feel entitled to, to all of a sudden people not wanting to give them the time of day and think that this “wrong” must be corrected. People valued her for the same shallow reasons that she valued herself for. This should hardly come as a surprise to anyone, and yet it still does.
“I think the real tragedy here is that she failed to understand that social obligations and contacts are meaningless if you can’t find a means of earning money to support yourself so that you can actually afford to enjoy life, and they’re especially meaningless if they’re not even genuine friends.”
Thanks to sexual dynamics, men don’t have this problem. We learn super early on that our only choice is to support ourselves. Everything else you’re saying are things that i realized in highschool. Not getting special treatment and in some cases getting treated poorly has it’s advantage in exposing us to reality and shaping our perception accordingly.
Female in-group preference has a pecking order. If you are low status, they will not go out of their way to accommodate you because there is nothing to be gained by them in doing so. Based on what you’ve said about her it seems like she spent a considerable amount of time schmoozing and building a network of contacts which brings with it a form of status that other women want access to. Women will be friendly to her for it.
When you put it that way, I think it makes a lot more sense. It seems like this particular subreddit really does paint all women as good for nothing since in most cases they’re not even any better than men at the one thing that they’re supposed to be biologically wired for. The reason that I think it’s particularly problematic in Canada is due to my personal experiences which is a very long story that I can’t get into now.
This bullshit exists everywhere. What is different about our country is that all of the bullshit is out in the open and people don’t even try to hide it. That can be off-putting and I can see how you might see that as problematic from a female perspective, but from a male POV it’s a blessing. It allows more men to more easily see the bullet and dodge it.
Incidentally, I also happened to look up the Facebook profile of the girl I mentioned in the above conversation (who I also mentioned on my vlog channel) a couple days ago out of curiosity, and found that virtually nothing had changed about her life since I had last heard from her – although I found it curious that she was still somehow able to afford traveling to Europe in spite of presumably still being in debt incurred from her superfluous degree, which made me wonder who was even funding this particular expense? I also recently watched more videos about the Instagram model Essena O’Neill who became “famous” for crying over how there was nothing “real” about spending every single day trying to make her life look “perfect” on social media – and interestingly found a comment from someone who had personally met her that described her as “very calculating, manipulative, and would brush off anyone who she didn’t believe she could gain something from.” At least in Essena’s case, she was able to build an empire through social media from a very early age that raked in a considerable income over the years – whereas the same can’t be said for the girl I met in Canada who was unlike anyone else I’d ever met, yet was able to attract many “friends” based on her appearance. As outlined in the above dialogue, she is also someone who I feel would not bother to deal with anyone who she couldn’t gain something from – yet it seems especially silly in her case because it turned out there obviously wasn’t actually anyone in her life who she could gain anything substantial from, anyway. Even if they could help her get employed, it wouldn’t necessarily be the type of work that she would have any desire or capability to pursue – I recall that she couldn’t even handle working as a receptionist and chose to quit that position in favor of the call center work which was even less lucrative.
Because of her social abnormalities, I couldn’t imagine her working as something like a waitress, bartender, nurse, or any myriad of other professions that would be appropriate for a socially adjusted 20 something female; at the same time, she wasn’t so systemizing that she could become some kind of engineer or programmer (although she was a science major, she had no intention of pursuing medicine or graduate studies to my knowledge). In retrospect, it’s a mystery to me how she was able to retain any of her “friends” or partners without them noticing anything that would cause them to run for the hills. The very few women I’ve encountered around here who seem to be genuinely empathetic/emotionally intelligent tend to be on a whole other level from most other people: there was one I encountered who literally aspired to become an astronaut, for example – and those kinds of women are ironically also hopelessly unrelatable. There was another who was exceptionally systemizing and unfortunately also exceptionally unempathic, as I recall she was the type of person who would “joke” about how she was going to switch her major to visual art because, in her exact words, “science is too hard for me, and I need to EXPRESS myself!” If this is the type of “selection” of women that are available to us here in Canada, is it any surprise that I can’t and won’t ever again attempt to make a single female friend here??